Want to win at dating? Drop the games

Raw Snacks: A series asking experts to share a personal story of self-discovery. Responses are edited for space and clarity.

Most relationship experts agree that in order to attract and keep a partner, there are a couple of things you can do to speed up the process.
Lose weight. Be confident. Keep your partner guessing.

Ken Page, psychotherapist and relationship expert, says we have it all wrong. “This soulless approach to dating doesn’t lead to love, it leads to insecurity and desperation,” he says.

It’s the YOU you’ve tried to hide — that is where your magic lies.”

Page offers an alternative in his book, “Deeper Dating: How to Drop the Games of Seduction and Discover the Power of Intimacy,” encouraging readers to do what sounds like the equivalent of committing harakiri in the dating world. Be yourself. Your real, imperfect self. The parts of yourself that you hate the most? You should be actually leading with those. Look for a partner who inspires you, not just turns you on. Don’t fall for the most good-looking person; aim in the middle of your attractiveness spectrum. Postpone the sex (for at least five or six dates).

These techniques helped Page get married, at the age of 60, after decades of what he calls “chronic singlehood.”

Listen to Page’s story of how he went from organizing a support group for chronic single psychotherapists to finding true love.

Ken’s free ebook entitled Four Insights to Transform Your Search for Love can be found HERE.


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