By Lori Harder
“How did you get to where you are?”
I get asked this question – a lot. My short answer? “I worked hard and I got A LOT of help.” It’s not the answer most people are looking for, but it’s the truth.
Here’s what you have to know: I didn’t get here by having some sort of special talent or ability that no one else has. Everyone has the same skills to ask, connect and build tribes like I do; they just have to take the first steps and practice feeling horribly uncomfortable until it feels easier.
My first attempt at connecting and building a tribe was clunky. And most of the meetings I had ended up being pretty surface-level. Eventually, I started attending more events hosted by various self-development powerhouses in the hopes of someday using what I learned to host my own events — events where women could find their own tribes and create deep connections quickly.
One of the most influential events for me was Jack Canfield’s Train the Trainer event.
It was here that I was introduced to the concept of “masterminding” and where I had the realization that I needed to start teaching all of the things that led to my massive breakthroughs. It was over the course of that training series that I used the tools (many of which are in my book “A Tribe Called Bliss”) to get through the gut-wrenching anxiety and fear of public speaking.
Now don’t get me wrong, after all this time, I still feel like I’m going to toss my cookies before I step on the stage, whether it’s in front of a small group or thousands.
Here are some tools that helped me ride the wave of fear:
Meditation. Before you write this one off, try it for five minutes. Don’t think of it as emptying your mind…think of it as choosing what stays and goes.
Visualization. This is the dress rehearsal for your dream future. If you’re preparing to speak in front of a large or small group, envision yourself speaking confidently in front of them. What does it feel and look like? Your mind is a problem-solving machine and consequently, you get what you focus on.
Move your body. Not only is this a non-negotiable habit for me, it also helps me work through a variety of things. Specifically, when I’m preparing to speak, I incorporate the outdoors with my activity (walks, runs) when I’m practicing my speech with my husband.
Tap into your tribe. Obviously this is a big one for me since my book revolves around building tribes. Your community can cheer you on, give you strength when you don’t have it and let you borrow their belief when you don’t have it for yourself.