By Brittani Louise Taylor
You want to know how to bounce back? Easy.
The first thing to do is eat your feelings. Leave no ice cream container untouched, no pizza joint unvisited and no candy bar half eaten. Then go out and immediately find someone else. You get on those dating apps, and swipe until your thumb is callused! Something must have been wrong with you right? Time for a complete makeover! Dye your hair, squeeze yourself into skin tight pants that cut off the blood supply to the lower half of your body, and flirt like your life depends on it!
If you couldn’t tell, that first paragraph was sarcastic, and a somewhat realistic picture of the emotional mess that I was when I left the father of my newborn son.
I was thirty-three, a single mom, having just lived the craziest and most horrifying love story imaginable, and in front a massive internet audience that was following my video journey.
My internet family of viewers were invited to watch the happy, sweet, “so in love” moments, with the dark parts of my relationship only known to my baby daddy, and myself.
Talk about a confusing, rhymes with “pit” storm when Milos disappeared from my videos all together.
Legally, I wasn’t allowed to explain to my audience, that “legally” I wasn’t allowed to explain. I may have pulled out a few hairs in frustration, before realizing that my mane is my security blanket and leaving my locks alone.
Not only did I end things, and get away, but I wasn’t allowed to explain anywhere on social media why or how. I wanted to scream, forcefully pat a wall, because punching a wall sounds like it would hurt, leave angry responses to every internet troll who left a hurtful comment, needing desperately to set the record straight. But in my forced silence, in the two years since I got away, the ways that I have grown as a person have been invaluable.
I have learned patience.
Having made roughly one-hundred videos after escaping, and not saying a single word about what really happened in any of them. I endured, with half my audience being angry and thinking I just was embarrassed and didn’t want to talk about it. Another twenty percent being confused, and persisting every week “Where is Milos?”, and the rest, disappearing all together. No matter what, I refused to quit.
I have learned hope.
In my silence, I started writing and told my story. Found a publisher who would fight for me to be heard, and left all my hurt behind on those pages. I used my silence to grow and turn something really bad, into something that could educate and do a lot of good.
Even if you don’t believe that everything happens for a reason, use the messy parts of your life as motivation towards the things you really want.
In my case, I have craved informational freedom, and I am finally out of the censored cage that has been my reality.
Again, legally, I couldn’t make a video on my channel. So, I took a right turn and became an author. There is always a way when you truly want something, sometimes you just have to get creative.
Life isn’t always easy, but if you don’t experience something, if you don’t live and lose and get hurt along the way, you can’t relate. Confidence is a product of self-belief, and knowing your worth. Stay true to who you are, what you want, and where you are going in life and you are going to be just fine.